The Bed's Trying to Eat Me!
by eMu3
Summary: A bunch of people end up in the room of requirement, and it adjusts to fit all of their needs. Contains Draco and a bondage bed...
1. Default Chapter

Title: The bed's trying to eat me!  
  
Author: eMu  
  
Summary: A bunch of people end up in the room of requirement, and it adjusts to fit all of their needs.  
  
Disclaimers: Jo, Chikin, Dragon's Eye, Duckie and Pengwinn  
  
Feedback: eMu17@msn.com  
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Author's Notes: This ficcie is based on a game I was playing with my co-ficcie writing friends. We were basically role-playing the characters, and the fun situations deserve to go to them, that's why they're in the disclaimers. J So lots of original characters. Don't expect to understand all of the jokes.  
  
'I'm hungry.' Drake Belaqua thought single-mindedly. He paced back and forth down the corridor, trying to remember how to get to the Hogwarts kitchens. He'd heard one of the Weasley twins whisper instructions on how to get there during a Quidditch celebration awhile back, but he'd forgotten completely.  
  
What he really wanted more than anything was a peanut butter twix. Or several pounds of them. He'd gotten a taste for the Muggle candy and craved them almost violently.   
  
He turned and paced the hallway again, when he noticed a door that he could have sworn wasn't there the last time he'd walked by. Impulsive curiosity gripping him before his mind caught up, he grabbed the handle and pushed the door open.  
  
******  
  
'Got-to-go-got-to-go-pee, pee, pee!' Draco Malfoy thought in a broken manner that it was rather amusing how his thoughts became similar to portrayals of dogs when he had to pee. 'Pee, pee, bathroom-bathroom good, pe-e-e-e-e-e-e…'  
  
Draco ran down a corridor and slid to a stop. Filch was standing at the intersection, heading in Draco's direction. He turned around and ran to the other end of the corridor, where Professor McGonagall was walking distractedly, reading a book as she walked. As all students were supposed to be in bed and he'd rather not explain that he had been meeting a friend in Hufflepuff to get high (there were some interesting things being grown in the student greenhouse without professor Sprout's knowledge), he came to another close halt, and turned to find someplace to hide.   
  
Then he saw a door he hadn't noticed before. He quickly darted inside.  
  
*****  
  
Ginny raced down the corridors. The DA had started up again, this time as an approved school activity (thank you Dumbledore) with officers, of which she was one. The officer meetings were held at random hours with no scheduled time, thanks to the Creevey brothers trying to show up at every meeting in their quest to stalk Harry. Ginny wasn't even sure if there was going to be a DA officers meeting, as Hermione had been speaking to her in code about something that morning in the Great Hall, but she couldn't really tell. Dennis had been sitting right next to her and Hermione looked flustered.  
  
She decided it wouldn't hurt to check, so, narrowly avoiding Filch, she walked back and forth the three times before walking into the room of requirement.  
  
*****  
  
Boy was she randy. She couldn't stop thinking about the things Mr. Draven had been saying about Mr. Malfoy. Squeaky couldn't stop the flood of mental images that came whenever the subject of Draco Malfoy was broached to her.   
  
Gone were the days of innocence and naivety for Theodora Ursa Hampshire, better known as Squeaky. Those long-ago days of first year were over. At the age of twelve, she had been utterly twisted by her friends Draven Silver and Lorn Mystique, and she had started lusting after her family's employer's son about the time Draven started mentioning how cute his ';ferrety little arse' was. And boy was it.  
  
She had left the Slytherin common room for the grounds, hoping a short walk might make her feel less randy, but no luck. As she walked down the corridors of the school, she hardly noticed or cared if there were teachers around to catch her out of bed. She was too busy entertaining mental images of Draco in bondage and her with a whip.  
  
*****  
  
Drake peered around the strange room in confusion. For all the years he'd been at Hogwarts, he was quite certain he'd never seen a room like this. "Maybe I found the kitchens." He murmured to himself. But he'd always imagined them looking different, and being closer to the Great Hall.  
  
There were ice-boxes and cabinets positioned at random around the large room. There was also an elaborate table set, with plates of food laid out. A full six course meal sat before him. He was about to help himself to some fish when the door opened up and in came some Slytherin sixth year he vaguely remembered.  
  
He stared at the boy for a minute, trying to figure out if he knew his name, while still bringing the fish to his mouth. Then he bit into a chamber pot.  
  
The clang his teeth made against the metal echoed around the room. He threw the chamber pot down and noted that half his meal had mutated into chamber pots, while half the cabinets and ice boxes had turned into urinals and bathroom stalls. He glared at the other boy. Somehow this was his fault.  
  
Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy gaped at the vast array of instruments designed to relieve one's bladder with, and then at the boy he couldn't place ever seeing before (but was vaguely sure was a Gryffinwhore).  
  
He noted that the boy was wearing a dark, flowy cloak with a hood pulled up, obscuring most of his face. He also noted that the hood didn't fall over his head like it would a normal one, instead, there were two bumps on either side, giving the impression that he had horns or something on the top sides of his head.  
  
"Who the fuck are you?" Both teens asked at the same time. And then Draco was hit with the door as Ginny Weasley walked into the room. And suddenly, a third of the culinary and bladder relieving instruments were replaced with DADA tools.  
  
"Malfoy? What are you doing here?" Ginny asked in confusion.  
  
"What am I…have you been here before?" Draco asked.  
  
"Can you please explain why I almost ate a chamber po-whoa!" Drake exclaimed, as the table he was sitting at was suddenly transformed into a very large bed with silk sheets and many pillows. The ceiling turned into mirrors and an assortment of whips and lubricants filled the space of what had moments before been an ice-box and a bookshelf. Squeaky had entered the room.  
  
"Oh my." Squeaky said, her well known timid demeanour coming to surface as she observed the occupants of the room. She blushed as her eyes fell on Draco Malfoy, who was now doing an 'I have to pee' jig and staring longingly at one of the urinals.  
  
Drake was prowling about on the bed. He noticed straps at either end of the bed and he was poking them with his finger. One of them reached out and tried to grab him, but he pulled back and hissed at it.  
  
Ginny looked from the pee-jigging Draco, to the salivating as he dug through the cabinets Drake, and then to Squeaky, who was meekly trying to looking anywhere but at the French maid uniform that was lying with the whips. "Squeaky!" Ginny exclaimed in surprise.  
  
"What?" Squeaky asked innocently.  
  
"Everyone in Slytherin must be fucked up if this is what you come up with for the room of requirement! I thought you might be different from the rest!" She waved her hand to indicate Draco. Squeaky shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"I have no idea what you's talking about." Squeaky said innocently.  
  
"Excuse me, but can you all turn around? I really have to go!" Draco begged, motioning to a urinal. Ginny nodded and turned around. Drake was half way into a cabinet, so that wasn't an issue.  
  
Squeaky on the other hand covered her eyes with her hands and then moved her fingers just enough to peek through. She was going to have to taunt Draven about that later…if he'd believe her.  
  
Ginny was about to go off on Squeaky some more about her use for the room of requirement, but then a stack of manga that had appeared with her DA books caught her eye. She grinned. So the room of requirement was thorough enough to pick up on subconscious desires…  
  
She retreated to a corner to read some Fushigi-Yugi, Inu-Yasha and X.  
  
Draco finished his business and sprawled on the bed. He landed in a slightly seductive position on his side with his hair flipping into his face. He didn't seem to notice, nor did he seem to notice Squeaky's reaction.   
  
"Can someone explain what's going on?" Draco asked.  
  
"Hmm?" Drake pulled out of the cabinet, his arms now cradling enough peanut butter twixes to feed a starving third world civilization. His hood had fallen down, revealing that his ears were what had been making the bumps in the hood. He had kitty ears.  
  
"What the fuck?!" Draco exclaimed, staring at him. Drake hissed, and then flopped onto the bed and sulkily ate the twixes.   
  
"My dad's really messed up. Just trust that you would rather not know and leave it." Drake ordered.  
  
"But…but you've got…you've got…" Draco stuttered, trying to suppress the urge to poke the kitty ears.  
  
"I'm part cat. Now leave it alone." Drake said in the same 'do not question me' voice, whilst unwrapping more twixes.  
  
There was a brief pause. "Um…" Draco said, breaking the silence.  
  
"What?" Drake demanded.  
  
"Never mind."   
  
"Ask it. I know you're thinking it."  
  
"No, nothing." Draco denied. There was another silence. "Do you have a tail?"  
  
Drake angrily tugged off his cloak. A rather large tail was swishing back and forth behind him.  
  
"Dude! He's wagging his tail!" Draco exclaimed.  
  
"I'm not a dog! This is an angry gesture!" Drake exclaimed back.  
  
Draco started laughing. Drake picked up a pillow with which to strangle him when the door opened again.  
  
This time the additions to the room consisted of a few bongs and pipes.  
  
"Lorn, you need to stop sneaking off to get high. If they catch you again they'll expel you!"  
  
"Would you quit pestering me Hermione? I just found this room, I'm not going to let it go to waste-what the hell?"  
  
Lorn Mystique and Hermione Granger had entered the room. Hermione's eyes quickly took in the whips, the lube, the French maid uniform, the mirrored ceiling and Draco Malfoy sprawled out on the silk sheeted bed.  
  
"It does work!" She squeaked, about to rush for the bed. Lorn grabbed her arm, cringing at the mental images she was broadcasting and his sensitive psychic mind was picking up. He indicated the other people in the room and shook his head at her. 


	2. Escape is Futile! Mwa ha ha ha ha

"Hermione? Was there supposed to be an officer's meeting?" Ginny asked, noting Hermione's entrance with her head still buried in manga. She noticed however, that Hermione was not answering her. She looked up, saw Hermione gaping at Draco, rolled her eyes, then returned to the manga.  
  
"Grnager, do you have a problem or something?" Draco asked, beginning to feel very uncomfortable.  
  
Squeaky had found a way to stare at Draco without gaping directly at him like Hermione was. She, instead was looking at his reflection in the mirrored ceiling. Draco noticed, and was inching further away from the two (although he wanted to remain on the bed as it was rather comfortable), and as he inched towards the edge of the bed, the straps jumped up and grabbed his wrists, pinning him down. As he flailed, trying to loose himself, the straps at the other end got his ankles.  
  
"What the fuck?!" Draco yelled, flailing harder. But as his ankles and wrists were strapped down, this pretty much resulted in pelvic thrusts. Hermione and Squeaky were mirrors of each other, both blushing, eyes wide, jaws on floor.  
  
Lorn, on the other hand, reacted quite differently.  
  
"Jeezus Christ Hermione, that's not even physically possible! Oh, it's burned on my eyelids, fuck!" He grimaced, and then smacked Hermione in an attempt to move her thoughts away from the ferret. "Squeaky! What the hell is wrong with you two? Gah!"  
  
"Excuse me?! Can someone help me?! The bed's trying to eat me!" Draco yelped.   
  
"I'll help, just stop flailing!" Lorn begged, cradling his skull.  
  
Draco stilled himself and waited patiently. Lorn made no move to help. "Well?" He snapped.  
  
"I'm just trying to figure out how to free you without trading spaces." Lorn said, musing over the straps. "And my thinking process would be much improved if someone weren't broadcasting mental images!" Lorn said, glaring at Hermione.  
  
"Oh, is that a deterrent?" Hermione asked, sitting on the bed near Draco. Squeaky huffed up looking like some giant, demented teddy bear hamster and sat down inches from Hermione, shoving her off the bed. Hermione landed on the floor indignantly.   
  
Drake crouched in a very catlike manner over Draco's wrists. He poked one of the straps with a peanut butter twix and the strap rippled, then tightened harder around Draco's wrist. He cried out in pain.  
  
"Don't poke 'em!" Drake called to Lorn.  
  
"Don't poke them!" Draco agreed, his voice sounding much higher pitched than was normal. The strap was tightening even more, he looked panicked. "Help! My hand's turning purple!"  
  
This got Squeaky's attention as she rather liked Draco's hand the colour it was. Suddenly the straps disappeared. Draco sat up in relief, and began cradling his hand. Lorn stared at the bed, trying to figure it out.  
  
Drake removed a pillow from its pillowcase and then began stuffing twixes in the pillowcase. "I really would love to stay and figure this place out, but alas, I have no desire to be eaten by a possessed bed. So if you'll excuse me-" Drake stopped short. He had now reached the wall where the door he'd entered through had been.  
  
"Wh-where's the door?" Draco asked, looking panicked.  
  
"It was right there." Drake said in a small voice.  
  
"I KNOW WHERE IT WAS, I WANT TO KNOW WHERE IT IS NOW!!!" Draco screamed. He jumped up from the bed and ran over to where Drake was. He kicked the wall, and then hopped around for a minute on his injured foot. "Open up and let me out for crissakes!"  
  
"We're trapped here?" Lorn asked. His eyes went wide with fear as he looked from Hermione, to Squeaky, to Draco to the assembled sexual paraphernalia. He grimaced. "Peachy."  
  
Ginny looked up from her manga. She looked confused. "It's never done this before. Something must be wrong." She noted.  
  
"Before…she has been here before!" Draco exclaimed. "Out with it Weasley, what is this place?" Draco demanded.  
  
Ginny scowled, but answered anyway, as some unknown quality about Lorn intimidated her. "This is the Room of Requirement. It adjusts to what you want the most. I don't think it's ever had this many people coming in wanting different things, so it must be malfunctioning."  
  
"Well…what if we all wish for a way out?" Drake asked.  
  
"Yeah, yeah that sounds like a good idea." Draco said.  
  
"I've never tried it from the inside before. You usually have to be outside the room…but I guess it's worth a try. Just visualize, I guess." Ginny instructed.   
  
Lorn looked from Hermione, to Squeaky. "This isn't going to work." But he visualized the door anyway.  
  
Sure enough, a door popped up in one wall. The boys cried out with relief and rushed for the door. And they almost made it before the chains and locks appeared too. Drake gaped at the chains, making some unintelligible sounds in the back of his throat. Draco kicked the door, and he was zapped.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"Clearly, someone doesn't want us to leave this room." Lorn muttered.  
  
"Gee, I-I wonder who it could be?" Squeaky said nonchalantly.   
  
Straps had appeared on the bed again. They were lengthening slowly and moving in a snake-like manner towards Draco. Lorn smacked Squeaky and they retreated momentarily. Then they lengthened again. Lorn smacked Squeaky but nothing happened.  
  
Draco backed himself into a corner. Somehow, he'd gotten it into his head that Lorn was the one making the bed go after him (it's not like the girls liked him for his brains) and he turned a pleading gaze to Lorn. "No! Don't make it eat me again!"  
  
Lorn looked revolted. "Oh yes Ferret, I actually WANT to see you tied down. You know I'm the one who brought the whips too! This is all some kind of weird kink I have! I LIKE 'EM RODENTY!!!" Lorn screamed.  
  
Lorn gave up on diverting Squeaky and Hermione's attention, and Draco found himself strapped down to the bed once more, this time spread-eagled. Hermione's eyebrow raised. She turned to Squeaky, who shrugged her shoulders.  
  
And then the door opened. Drake sprinted towards it, but got zapped. Draven Silver stood in the doorway, looking as though he'd just come out of a pleasant fantasy with the zappy noise and now what sounded like a cat having its tail stepped on.  
  
"Leave while you still can! We're prisoners!" Lorn called.  
  
Draven took in the silk sheeted bed. "Looks like you're being well treated." He stepped over the threshold and the door bolted itself up again. He strolled over to the bed where Draco laid in a very vulnerable position. "Hey Ferret-boy."  
  
"'Lo." Draco answered in a somewhat muffled voice. Draven casually stretched out next to him, and then rolled onto his side. He began to examine the straps.   
  
"These are interesting things, aren't they?"  
  
"Care to help me Silver?" Draco asked. A faint blush was just barely detectable. Hermione's eyes widened.   
  
"I think I rather like you the way you are…if you don't mind." Draven answered casually.  
  
"Well if the room were less crowded maybe." Draco said flirtatiously.  
  
Squeaky was getting her possessive hamster look again.  
  
*********Author's Notes**************  
  
Sorry this one's a little short. I'll have more up as soon as I can think of what to add. I veered off a little from the game we played. In the game we talked about Draven but he never showed up. ^_^ So next chapter there will be some catfights, and Draco might actually notice he's being lusted after. After all, it's not like anyone there wants him for his brains or personality… 


	3. ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRNNN!

Squeaky was about to pounce Draven, when he was suddenly struck over the head with a baseball bat. Lorn stood above him, his usually ivory face pink with rage. "STOP THINKING THAT!!!" Lorn screamed, whacking him again for good measure.  
  
"Ah! Stoppit Lorn! Jeezus!"  
  
"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU FREAKS AND THE FERRET!?!?! ARE YOU A BUNCH OF FRIGGIN' FAN GIRLS!? WHY IS HE SO DAMNED HOT TO YOU?! I'M GOING TO FIND WHO CAST THOSE FUCKING MOVIES AND KILL THEM, AND TOM FELTON!!!" Lorn raged.  
  
"Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!" Hermione and Squeaky cried.  
  
"What the fuck is he talking about?" Draco asked in confusion.  
  
"Search me." Draven said, just as confused.  
  
"Gladly…" Draco answered.  
  
"No Ferret, bad Ferret!" Lorn yelled, brandishing the bat. Draco shrank away from him as best he could whilst being strapped to a bed.   
  
Then the baseball bat transformed into a board with a nail in it. The assembled students couldn't tell if that was a result of the room or Lorn's own heightened magic abilities.  
  
Instead of going apeshit however, Lorn retreated to a corner. "No more sexual thoughts." He muttered darkly.  
  
"Agreed." Everyone said very quickly.   
  
And something finally clicked in Draco's head.  
  
"Wait, you mean…Granger? And Squeaky…? EW!!! OH CHRIST GET ME OFF THIS BED!!!" Draco cried, tugging ineffectually at the straps.  
  
"Wait a minute, I'll try to help!" Draven climbed onto the bed and began tugging at the straps. The straps snapped at him and Indian-burned his arm. "Ow! Nasty little fucks, aren't they?" Draven snapped.   
  
"Ow, they're getting tighter again!" Draco yelped. "I am picturing with all my might these straps disappearing you know!"  
  
"Hmm, well if there weren't two or three people picturing against you it might work, wouldn't it?" Ginny asked sarcastically.  
  
Lorn, meanwhile, began humming the alphabet song in an attempt not to focus on the thoughts the others were broadcasting.  
  
Draven looked at the two girls, got an idea of the situation, and then thought of something. A knife appeared in his hands and he cut the straps off.  
  
"Hey! That's cheating!" Squeaky exclaimed.  
  
"Fuck you!" Draco yelled.  
  
"Please do." Squeaky said, and they all stared at her.  
  
"We've completely corrupted her." Draven said with amusement, looking at Lorn, who didn't find it nearly as amusing as Draven did. "Good Squeaky." He handed her one of Drake's twixes as a treat. She nibbled it happily.  
  
"'Ay!" Drake exclaimed.  
  
"You have enough to reinforce the great wall of China with, you can spare one." Draven said casually.  
  
"You can never have enough twixes. Especially the peanut butter kind." Drake said, happily gazing at his pillow case. He was the only content person in the room.  
  
Draco had decided that the comfort of the bed wasn't worth the danger and was standing in a corner, watchful eyes roaming the room, expecting an attack from any direction. Squeaky and Hermione were having some sort of showdown with their eyes, and Draven was reclining on the bed, seemingly oblivious to it all.  
  
Now that Squeaky and Hermione were thinking about killing each other instead of seducing the ferret, Lorn was much more content. He sat in a chair and 'watched' the thoughts. "Oh Squeaky, that would never work. No Hermione, go for the eyes, if she can't see she'll go down quicker. And the pain will blind her for a good five minutes, at least." Lorn called. The fantasies shifted to accompany this new advice.  
  
Draco looked confused. "Granger…I thought you hated me. I mean, don't you find me revolting or something?"  
  
"Hmm?" Hermione turned her gaze away from Squeaky and stared at Draco. Lorn cleared his throat and she looked at the wall above his head 'it was rude to talk to people without looking at them'.  
  
"Yes, well your personality is horrendous. But you're cute and I'm…yeah." Hermione explained.  
  
"Ah. So it's all physical." Draco said, finding that answer satisfactory.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Good to know. You're not bad either, I'll let you know if I'm interested in a one night stand." Draco offered. Hermione brightened.  
  
"Really?" She asked happily. Before Draco could respond, however, Squeaky had launched herself at Hermione with a vicious hamster attack call and clawed at Hermione's neck. "URGHK!!!"  
  
"DIE-DIE-DIE!!!" Squeaky yelled.  
  
"Whoa!" Drake and Draven yelled as they backed away from the two girls. Hermione began attacking back. Lorn rolled his eyes.  
  
"You'll never kill her that way. You two are no good at this." Lorn critiqued. "You do have wands you know."  
  
Squeaky and Hermione's eyes widened. They both reached for their wands, which promptly flew into Draven's outstretched hand.  
  
"No. Killing. Trust me, not worth it." Draven said firmly. "Squeaky, you would lose and I rather like having you around. And Hermione, I don't want to have to kill you for killing Squeaky."  
  
"Like you could!" Hermione spat back.  
  
"I totally could!" Draven yelled defensively.  
  
And then the two of them were cat-fighting, wands forgotten.  
  
"Pulling hair's cheap!" Drake yelled as Hermione grabbed fistfulls of Draven's long white hair and yanked. Draven elbowed her tit and they all grimaced.  
  
"That was a low blow." Squeaky said.  
  
"This is over…me?" Draco asked, thinking back to Squeaky and Hermione and all the comments. He smiled evilly. This information was going to be the catalyst for one hell of an ego trip.  
  
Drake got bored with the catfight and realized something. Squeaky and Hermione were thoroughly distracted. He could make an exit. He focused on the doorway, and the chains disappeared. He ,let out a relieved sigh, and moved towards the door.  
  
"Hermione, his face is turning blue, stop strangling him!" Draco yelled in concern.  
  
"Well I think he's breaking her arm!" Squeaky yelled back.  
  
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRNNN!!!!" The room was once again filled with the sound of a cat having its tail stepped on.  
  
The chains had disappeared, but not the electric shock.  
  
Calmly, Ginny turned the page in her manga. 


	4. Disfigurement

Draco managed to pry Draven and Hermione apart (with no assistance from the others, damn them). They all pondered the door. "It should have let me out!" Drake wailed, eyes watering. "We're going to die in this miserable room!"  
  
"Well we have a food supply." Hermione noted, looking at Drake's pillow case. He hugged them possessively and glared at her.   
  
"Mine."  
  
"Lorn…you're the most powerful student Hogwarts has seen since…well since your dad came to school. Can't you overpower whatever's been done to the door?" Draven asked.  
  
Lorn walked over to the door. He dropped a twix wrapper against it and watched it sizzle in midair with a sound like a bug zapper. "It's not just the room powering this. Whoever asked the room to put this in place is a very powerful witch."  
  
"Hey, why don't you say wizard? It could be a male. If it's negative, you people always say it's a witch-" Hermione ranted.  
  
"Like there's a chance it's a guy keeping us here!" Drake screamed. He was starting to crack up. He started pacing in front of Draco, who was getting more and more uncomfortable. "I say we slash his pretty face. Then they won't want him anymore and we can open the door."  
  
"No! Stay away from me!" Draco yelled, backing against the wall and shielding his pretty face with his hands. Drake let out a nekko-jin war cry and leapt. He was stopped by Squeaky, however, who leapt simultaneously and threw his balance off so that they landed with a thud on the floor.  
  
Squeaky let out her hamster war cry, and then realized that in essence the hamster had just distracted the cat from the ferret. Letting out a hamster cry of terror, she sprang to her feet and ran behind Draven.  
  
"Don't let him eat me!" Squeaky screamed.  
  
Drake sat on his haunches on the ground, a very cat-like glare fixed on his face. His tail flicked behind him.  
  
"Don't." Draven ordered, aiming his wand at Drake. Drake hissed, then turned back to stalking the ferret.  
  
"I agree with Drake, it's a good plan. Make him ugly and they won't want to be shut up in here with him anymore." Lorn said, a glazed look coming to his eyes. An unnatural smile was fixed on his face. Drake and Lorn had completely lost it.  
  
"No! It won't help, leave me alone! I just started looking pretty, let me stay this way! I don't want to look like a ferret ever again!" Draco wailed. He got down on his knees before them and began pleading. "Please…please…I'll tell the fan girls to back off, this will never happen again!"  
  
"Right!" Lorn shouted, laughing humourlessly. "As long as fan fiction is allowed to flourish, fictional characters will be lusted after and original characters like us will be made to suffer! Well I'm having none of it! I'm going out and finding every attractive canon character and disfiguring them!"  
  
"No man, that's crazy talk! All that will do is increase the number of fluffy hurt/comfort fics!" Draven yelled.  
  
"Good God, he's right man! There's no winning! WE CAN'T WIN!!!" Drake screamed, pounding the ground with his fist at the injustice of it all.  
  
Draco looked from Drake to Lorn warily, wondering if Draven had just saved him with that burst of logic (though he didn't really understand it, so many alien terms). Once satisfied that he'd been saved, he heaved a sigh of relief.  
  
Unfortunately the sight of Draco with his hair now mussed from avoiding attack and with a relieved smile on his face earned some nasty thoughts from Hermione and Squeaky, which made Lorn scream. He aimed his hand at Draco and bluish-purplish sith lightning flew from his fingers.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Draco screamed. He fell to the ground and began writhing from the attack.  
  
"That's not helping! One of them's a dominatrix, lookit the chains and whips!" Draven yelled. "STOPPIT!!!"  
  
Lorn stopped the lightning, but he also swivelled to look at Draven, and Draven swore he saw some lightning in Lorn's eyes. He swallowed with a comical cartoonish 'gulp' sound.  
  
While Draven was distracted, Drake lifted Draco by the collar, then unsheathed his claws a few centimetres from Draco's now wide and terrified eyes.  
  
"Lorn, don't-don't do anything you're going to regret. We're friends." Draven said cautiously, slowly backing away from Lorn.  
  
"But you're on the enemy side. The lusting-after-ferrets side." Lorn growled.  
  
"Well…he's kinda cute, c'mon. But I am not interested in spending eternity in this room either. This is not productive. Zapping me will not get us out of the room you know." Draven noted.  
  
"True, but it does make me feel so much better." Lorn noted with a psychotic smile.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! OW!!!! I HATE YOU FAN GIRLS!!!!" Draco screamed. Lorn and Draven snapped their heads around and saw Draco clutching at his face.  
  
Drake was flexing his claws, bits of Draco's skin still attached to them.  
  
"Christ man, what did you do?!" Draven yelled, running over to crouch down next to Draco.  
  
"He's not very pretty anymore." Drake said, giggling just as psychotically as Lorn was smiling.  
  
"NoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOOO!!!" Squeaky and Hermione wailed.  
  
Draven was attempting to coax Draco to lower his hands. "No! I won't let you see me!" Draco yelled, clutching his face harder, and then flinching because he was clutching an open wound.  
  
"Don't be an idiot! Draco, my dad's a healer and I'm his protégé, I can fix it!" Draven hissed, hoping Lorn and Drake wouldn't hear that.  
  
Unfortunately, even if Lorn couldn't hear it, he could pick up on Draven's thoughts.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Lorn screamed, diving for Draven, who pulled Draco up and bolted. Lorn hit the spot they had been at two seconds previous, and snarled.  
  
"Wait!" Hermione tugged at Lorn's trench coat in an attempt to stop him, rather ineffectually as it only served to drag her along a few feet. "Lorn, what did you come here for again!?"  
  
"I came here to…to…" Lorn whispered dazedly, not quite remembering.  
  
"To get high?" Hermione supplied.  
  
"Hey yeah. I did, didn't I?" And Lorn once again laughed in a 'I've completely lost it' manner.  
  
Hermione patted his back soothingly, then handed him one of the bongs that had appeared upon his entrance to the room. Because a high Lorn is very different from a not-high Lorn.  
  
As soon as Lorn was half-sleeping in a corner, murmuring stupid things, Draven attempted to coax Draco into lowering his hands. This did not sit well with Drake, who had had a body bind curse placed upon him by Hermione.  
  
"Well if you want to stay ugly go and be difficult!" Draven yelled. "But I'll certainly never fuck you like that!"  
  
And the hands dropped.   
  
Draco's face was covered with scratches, some of which had swelled a bit. His skin had turned an interesting shade of pink and his eyes had puffed up comically. He certainly wasn't very pretty anymore. "Eesh." Draven said, before he could stop himself.  
  
The hands snapped back up.   
  
"Oh jeezus Draco!"  
  
Draco warily lowered his hands. "Just fix it already!"  
  
Thanks to Draven's odd heritage, he was a natural healer, so even though he didn't know a whole lot about it, he figured he could reverse the damage with a general healing exercise his dad had taught him. He placed his hands over Draco's face and focused. A soft purple light accompanied with a warm tingling sensation for Draco spread around Draven's hands and an instant later, Draco's face was back to the way it had looked before.  
  
A muffled cry of rage was heard from the immobile nekko-jin.  
  
Author's Notes: I'm feeling a need to wrap this story up, I think there's only so much I can do with this room (If I keep going it'll get tired, if it's not already) I hope you understand. So the next chapter will be the last.  
  
I also feel the need to explain the relationship between Draco and my original character Draven. It's sexual tension, pretty much. Draco has been straight so far and is questioning his sexuality in the manner everyone does, and he wants to test it with Draven as he is "safe" (feminine looking and a friend of Draco's). At the same time, Draven is extremely attracted to Draco, but doesn't want to do anything to mess up the friendship and doesn't think the ferret's gay. So that's where that stands. Just some nice, funny, sexual tension and insincere flirting. ^_^ 


	5. Freedom!

"Granger, Squeaky, it's not fucking funny anymore. Let us out!" Draco pleaded.  
  
"It's not me!" They both shouted in unison.  
  
"The hell it isn't!" Drake shouted. He'd been freed from his body bind curse and was now prowling the room, glaring full force at the females.   
  
"I kind of want to leave now though." Squeaky admitted. "It's gotten very awkward in here hasn't it?"  
"Awkward is an understatement." Draven snapped. "Well who is doing it then?"  
"I thought it was you." Hermione said, confused.  
  
"Me? Why would I be keeping us here?" Draven asked.  
  
"Well let's think about it…maybe the same reason they were?" Drake asked, tilting his head towards Draco. Draco backed against a wall, looking around the room in a paranoid manner.  
  
"No…it was shocking us before Draven got here." Hermione noted.  
  
"Us? Shocking us you say?" Drake asked.  
  
"Fine. It was shocking you before Draven got here." Hermione amended. "Well…it wouldn't make sense for it to be Draco. And we know it's not Lorn. That leaves…"  
  
"Ginny!" Everyone exclaimed.  
  
Ginny looked up from her manga. "Hmm?"  
  
"You're the one keeping us here! Simple process of elimination proves that!" Hermione yelled.  
  
"Kill her!" Drake roared. He charged, but Draven grabbed his hood and he fell backwards making a choking sound.  
  
"Was it you Ginny?" Draven asked calmly.  
  
"Er…" Ginny looked around the room, from Draco who looked absolutely terrified, to Hermione and Squeaky, who looked terribly embarrassed, to Drake who looked like he wanted to claw her jugular out, to Lorn who was so baked he didn't seem to realize where he was anymore and finally to Draven, who looked concerned for her safety.  
  
"Er…er…I'm sorry! I was just so fucking lonely!" She yelled, bursting into tears.  
  
"What? It's leaking from its eyes." Drake said, looking perplexed.  
  
"She's crying you idiot!" Hermione snapped. "Ginny, are you okay?"  
"Honestly Hermione, does she look okay?" Draven snapped.  
  
"She's just trying to keep us from killing her!" Draco yelled. "And it's not working." He drew his wand.  
  
But the ferret was wrong. Sure, it was a diversionary tactic, but not to guilt them into not killing her. Rather, to come up with a plan.  
  
"Memory charm!" Ginny yelled quickly, erasing everyone's memory of the story from their minds. She 'unlocked' the door and watched as the paraphernalia that had accumulated during their stay in the room disappeared.  
  
All of the kids dazedly wandered back to their separate common rooms and dorm rooms.   
  
Ginny wasn't quite sure why she did it. There was just something terribly amusing about a bed eating Draco Malfoy.  
  
Epilogue:  
  
It's a little known fact that eventually all memory charms do wear off. It just so happens that usually the person who was charmed will die before it wears off, because a skilled enough wizard will make it last for a hundred years or so. But Ginny was not at her peak magical abilities as a witch when she cast her memory charm.   
  
Ginny was sitting in the Windy Pines nursing home, rocking in her chair and wondering if her grandchildren would come and visit her that day. She smiled wistfully, remembering when she was young and the things she had done with her friends.  
  
She didn't hear the squeak of the wheelchairs carrying Lorn Mystique and Drake Belaqua up the ramp of the Windy Pines nursing home until it was too late.  
  
END  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Sorry it's been so long since I posted. My computer sort of went through a 'I don't feel like working for you' phase. She's a brat like that. So yeah, I finished off this story line. I figured everything was getting old and if I kept it going it would…suck. And the ending's not that great either, I don't think. I kinda feel like all my endings are let downs somehow. But I didn't want to let this story die either…I kinda liked writing it. Hmm…if anyone's got any suggestions about a possible sequel or how to keep the story going, I'd be glad to hear them. I like this story, and the kind reviews it generates. ^_^ pleasant something people! 


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